[originally written January 23]
It's January 23, and I leave for Puebla, Mexico in 9 days to do a month-long artist residency with an organization called Arquetopia. I've known about this residency since early summer, and the time has finally arrived. It feels surreal. I truly don't know what to expect and haven't had much time to prepare. I'm going into this experience authentically with an open mind and open heart, ready to receive what is given to me, and ready to pour myself into the art.
A bit about the residency: In Puebla, I will be working on a self-guided project exploring themes of identity, queerness, and trauma alongside the guidance of a mentor. There will be other artists exploring their own projects at the same time. Each week I will meet with my mentor, do assigned readings, and participate in a cultural field trip. I also plan to soak up all that Puebla has to offer in my free time through the art, culture, music, nature, and food. Cannot wait to try some mole poblano!
A lot of feelings come up before I embark on this month long journey – excitement, fear, anxiety, and gratitude. I'm so grateful I gave myself this gift. I'm grateful I said "yes" to my art. I'm so grateful for my family and friends who surround me with support and excitement. Life is truly so short and it's all about making time for the things that matter most to you. It can be hard to do, but it feels so rewarding. I'm so excited to be in Mexico, escaping a month of Chicago's wintertime, surrounded by artists, and doing what I love most– making art.
A lot of anxiety comes up as well as I embark into something so unknown. I used to do this all the time in my early 20s– bouncing from one city, job, and apartment to another. I traveled much farther for much longer time, and didn't blink an eye. Yet something about finding so much stability in my life and uprooting it for a month feels jarring.
A lot of "What if's" come up…
"What if I'm too homesick and can't focus?"
"What if I get creative block and can't draw?"
"What if I can't seem to connect with the project I set out to work on?"
"What if my mentor doesn't like me?"
However, back in May, I asked myself a really important "what if" question:
"What if I went to Mexico for a month, by myself, to focus on my art?"
So after focusing on the negative "What if's" that inevitably come up, I made a new list of "what if's":
"What if I gave myself abundant permission to cherish each individual day in Puebla as is?"
"What if I love spending an indulgent amount of time with myself?"
"What if my project turns out to be more incredible than I could imagine or plan for in this moment?"
This residency comes at a time where I'm in my last year of my 20s, recently married, and recently have left corporate America to work for myself. It feels exceedingly important to invest this time and magic into myself.